You're just saying anything. Shoe polish, banana and all the girls will love you. What? Why we don't Hi friends? We're back with another episode Peace Word back with another episode of Asinine Advice: um what are you doing Today We asked our friends online what they thought about the holidays coming up. He's not excited about the holidays apparently, so we have all kinds of other friends that are not excited about the holidays and we're giving you our best advice for how to tolerate said holidays that are coming up. First question: How do I talk to the girls? Huh? How do I talk about? what do you mean I don't know what if there's like a holiday party and there's lots of girls and he wants to talk to the girls say hey, how you doing how you doing I knew you would say that that's what I always say I know just say hey, can you believe Bob From Accounting he got busted taking photography photocopies of his bum photographies. Yes, he got busted taking photographies of his bum. You can open and say what a spread on each page and all the girls will love you. Who is more of a procrastinator when it comes to planning a holiday party? You or trip? I Don't like to plan or attend holiday parties. It's not procrastination, it's Choice it's preservation. He doesn't ever plan the whole holiday party I don't want to go to the holiday party I just say I cannot go and then I make him go. Truth will set you free introverts. He's a program. You know what's? my favorite type of party but not the holiday party. Those new parties that these Geniuses came up with and I mean that sincerely. Which: Geniuses where you wear your headphones and everyone plays those are amazing foreign. those are amazing. They're quiet. yeah, it's my favorite type. but you when you're listening to that I don't even play anything because anyone comes near me. How do you avoid aunties who ask when are you getting married? What do you tell aunties you say soon? when I find the right guy say auntie, you already took Uncle no Then opposite what the Auntie you're already taken. say auntie, your son's already too. Do you wish that you wish your level of Happiness upon me Huh? Food that is so rude What? I wanted to get married until I saw what it does to a person. You used to be so kind my mom says oh my God then you met Uncle or you can say auntie mind your own Bloody Business Boom roasted and she said what the answers are searching for. How do you deal with in law but solely based on three? I'm sure they hate you for more reasons. Come on, let's be realistic. Come on, they can't just hate you because of what you look like, They must be more. It's more wrong with you. Just ask them say look I know I'm not the same color as you. But what else do I do wrong that you. hate me I would like to know all the things. Oh, just tell them look at least I have the decency to hate you for something else that you can control I hate you because you talk too much. Keep being kind. No because eventually they will come around. That is my advice to you. You say please, no, do me the favor of hating me for something I can change like I Do you that favor, Be kind and you'll slowly win them over. That's my advice, but that's good advice. Good advice. Don't listen to how how do I avoid my in-laws. Seriously, they walk around like this. Why anytime you see that Miss Rose one eye and you say I don't think it's contagious but it's been going around my office and everyone. If you run around like that, your in-laws will avoid you. They will not If someone come back. oh I don't think you're contagious. Oh I Bloody run out immediately. Don't care if there's no doors, you jump from the window and you go. Is it expected for the host to provide all the booze? No party? No. Generally people bring like God b-y-o-b You don't say that one. bring your own banana. You don't say that when you're hosting a party that's rude. you just say oh having said that, I have no alcohol, bring like bottles of wine and stuff like that I think you should just say hey, don't be a cheapskate. Where did that expression come from I don't know what is a skate? Why is it cheap? Okay I don't just want to tell your friends, don't be a Jeep don't be a cheapskate. Bring money, Charge an entrance Yeah. Georgia entrance fee 15 Say you have three packages available, one silver and gold and based on the package, that's what they get to consume. 10 bucks for the bronze you give them bracelet. of course you get the Kirkland water and you get a bag of peanuts like you're sitting in economy economy. Plus you could put them in the middle. They can get like Cutlery this is why we don't host any gold. They can drink whatever they want. 50 bucks to come in the house. if they don't leave like then you fail them. Next question: I Hate small talk. Can you offer suggestions for better conversations? Yeah Dive Right In What? Hey, When is the last time you saw your therapist? What you talked? Tell now bloody I Don't care if it's raining outside. Tell now I Know what's happening in your life. If you didn't have a therapist that would not be so good, you wouldn't be here. You'd be at home eating cat food. This is another reason why we don't know. Spanish You should tell them straight to their face. Hey, you look like someone that tries cat food for fun. That's a good. Icebreaker Is it good? So far you've answered none of these appropriately. So I mean why do they come to the show? My parents are separated. How do I get out of spending the holidays with both of them? What do you mean? He doesn't have to spend with any of them. What does he have to do? Just tell each one he's at the other one's house and sit at home bloody. Canal What kind of a buffoon Question is that? That's a move all kids pull I'm going to Mom's I'm good. Yeah, they don't talk. they hit each other till father can't come this year mom's dating somebody new I have to be there to make sure there's no Mischief Tell Mother The same thing. This is gonna make you hate to each other and they'll leave you alone. Hey, split the day yeah, the other one's house because they're insisting then they'll never get back together and you'll be left alone. they each have. They'll give you double the gifts now because they're all they want to win. Your favorite since they're dating imaginary people. Go and spend half, Have the day with your mother and have the day with your mother. Tell them both. I Can't believe you did this. You're shameful people and suck it up and go and be your mother for half a day And be with your father for half the day. That's the way to do it or stay at home. No. Okay, next question: doesn't like transition left. What do you do when you're invited to a potluck? But you can't cook? You bring the pot and you see yourself whoever is lucky to get it. If you don't cook, you clean, you clean up. say I'm here to clean No man, you go to Trader Joe's you buy the like a little travel dish. You buy the full thing, you throw it inside, you mix it a little and you give it in like you made it. You'd be like oh yeah, you made it. Yes, you pretend you made it. That's why you bought the other stuff. to take it from the professional looking container and put it in the crappy travel container. and then you make sure it breaks a little bit before you make something does not require cooking. You can make it chy platter. or you could. like I said before you bring them apart. What's your favorite thing to do with your family during the holidays? Sleep? No. really. Give gifts. That's really your favorite thing to drive cars giving gifts into other cars that belong to the same family. You're just saying anything. Shoe polish? What? What? What? What's the difference? If it's a holiday or not the holidays, this is my favorite thing to do during the holidays. What Make those peppermint cookies? Why can't you make them in? June Because they're for the holidays and listen to Christmas music I Love making peppermint cookies I'm gonna share that recipe this year again. It's amazing. Yes cookies are delicious. that's what it's cookie. and then you take peppermint sticks and you put on top. no magic recipe. Nope, it's not a he's a grouch. Okay next you want everybody to be a grumpy old man. How to leave a gathering when bored or just sleepy? What's a good excuse? My stomach hurts I Ate cat food. Why are you looking at me like I'm insane? Apologize to you all. Please don't eat cat food. You should tell them straight to their face. Hey, you look like someone that tries cat food for fun. That's a good Icebreaker Have you ever heard gaslighting I know what gas is? That's a good excuse to leave. Oh my IBS kicked in just announcer t-shirt saying I have IBS when I get tired and then you can just leave. no and then when they ask you what's IBS you say I be sleepy and you leave. Thank you.